Thursday, May 10, 2007

Today's Tidbits

I was at the customer service desk, helping a lady return some stuff. I tell her how much her total is and continue on doin' my thing. Then I randomly hear her say "I'm loaded!" so I look up and say "You mean money wise or alcohol wise?" The other associate at the desk looks over at me, her mouth hanging open. The lady answers "Both!" She laughs, I laugh. Then she says "No, actually I haven't had a drink in 12 years." I'm being serious and I'm like "GOOD for you!" Then she's done and she leaves, and the other associate starts laughing incredulously. She tells the story to at least 4 employees who walk by ("You're not gonna BELIEVE what she just said..."), and every time she finishes, she just laughs and says "girl's got issues."
- Shady shady people doin' a whole dog and pony show, tryin' to jack stuff on the self checks. *yawn* must be a Thursday...
-Someone tried to steal a basketful of groceries. They were caught but nothing happened to 'em. Meanwhile we have to claims a TON of stuff (hot and cold) just because it's been out of the deli for a few minutes. We have this whole "If we recover it then no harm no foul" policy that's just wacko. If I ran that store I'd have every frickin' thief who took anything $10.00 and up, cuffed, stuffed, publicly shamed and banned from the store permanently. And I'd hire at least 3 undercover employees (Sting Associates) whose sole job would be to circulate throughout the store, watching for people who were in any way suspicious. It's not the money - Walmart ain't hurtin'. My store would probably lose money paying the associates compared to the small amount of product recovered, BUT it would make me feel like the little microcosm I worked in was a just world.

Also, under my rule you would not be able to return ANYTHING that can't be resold. No idiots bringing in a pair of shoes they have worn for several months (with the sudden realization that 'they hurt') and getting a brand new pair. No idiots bringing in a half-used tube of muscle cream that is covered with dried smeared fingerprints (the evidence of it's purposeful use and liberal application), saying 'it has a strong smell'. Today some guy returned an empty bag of ant killer saying it didn't work. I returned it. That's what we do. Another employee gave me a hard time about it, acting like that was kinda silly on my part. My response: "We've returned stupider things for stupider reasons." Her response: "Don't say it so loud."

Right before I left, I get a call from someone in the garden center telling me some guy is trying to return a jug of Round-up so old that it's not even in our computer anymore. A little while later, there he is. I hear later that he's a regular; he gets stuff free from homeless shelters and food donation places and then returns them for money.

Here's my question: Did he actually get a bottle of Round-up from a homeless shelter? What kinda crappy charitable organization gives weed killer out to people who, not only don't have a home, but also don't have a YARD? Does The Mission get a lot of vagabonds hobblin' in off the streets asking for something to help with the unsightly weed problem currently plaguing their local under-pass of choice? Is there some 'Adopt a Block in the 5th Ward Program' I'm not aware of?

"I really want to help beautify that section of concrete where I regularly push my shopping cart!"

"My corner where I hold my very sad sign and beg for money with my very sad face has been lookin' pretty raggedy lately. What can I do?"
- I was watchin' the self check and I spotted a guy in line. It took me a while to figure out what was on his head; it it was a scarf (kinda like my do-rags) but it tied on the side and since it was long the ends flowed freely, draped about half-way down his chest. It looked like a parrot should have been sitting on his shoulder right next to it. OK, SO HE'S WANTS TO BE A PIRATE. The next question was "Is he wearing *women's* pants?!"The pockets on the back had very detailed designs on them and they sure were skinny. I pass him off as one of the many moody, disenfranchised youths who rage against the machine & fight the establishment by. . . . wearing. . . ridiculous crap. OK, SO HE WANTS TO BE EMO.

But then he turned and I am suddenly confronted by a very large embroidered decoration that runs down the entire side of one of the legs. There were flowers, people. and possibly a butterfly. Those were women's jeans. OK, SO HE WANTS TO BE FEMALE. He had a full goatee and a fairly manly face so it's not like he was really trying to look like a woman. It was a *very* odd sight. Each element on its own - a bit of an eyebrow raiser; but all together - you know you're looking at a very different type of human being, the kind of which you have never before encountered. And all you're left with is questions. Who is this person? What goes on their mind? How do they wake up in the morning and decide to put these articles of clothing on and then sojourn out of their home? Is THIS the final product of a few minutes of careful adjustment and evaluation in front of the mirror?

And then 'he' was gone, like a puff of smoke. And that was the last I saw of the denim-decorated, scarf-sporting, gender-hurdling enigma. . . .

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