Saturday, April 21, 2007

An Ode to Porter and working at Walmart

Endless hordes of poor white trash
they never seem to have enough cash
they spent it all on meth and hash
if you don't watch 'em they'll steal in a flash
I don't even want to know about that rash

Can't live without their ciggies and snuff
'course that makes buying food tough
for that they'll just jack cookies & stuff
they can live on something to puff
or (for a special occasion) maybe some paint to huff

They get pissed off when I check their ID
even though it's clear they're 73
OK, so you're no longer a licensee
maybe that's cause of your recent crime spree
nice try, you're not taking the booze for free

Dinner is whatever Stouffers will freeze
basically anything swimming in grease & cheese
ALSO donuts, cookies, pies and Little Debbies
are they concerned that they can't see their knees
Hell no! Can you go get them some riding carts, please

Covered in dirt and carrying a smell
their children all free to run and yell
fifty bucks says only 10% can spell
a house on wheels is where most of them dwell
a good pair of overalls is for them like Chanel

It's always the people who shouldn't procreate
that do so at a rabbit's rate
old or young, grandma or jailbait
they've ALL got crazy drama goin' with their mate
their episode of Maury is gonna be great!

6 comments:

Luke said...

WOW. Holy freakin crap -- Comedic GOLD! Every line is fantastic. I am highly impressed.
As they say on the interwebs: "ell em a oh"

EaLeah said...

***some lines that didn't make the cut:

Most of the women that roam the store
dress in a way that'd embarrass a whore

But equally obnoxious are all the Pentecostal
The long skirts & long hair - simply put - make me hostile

Women beat up, looking like a racoon
Guess he meant it when he said "to the moon"

A grandma's who's in her 30s is actually quite common
With 3 generations to feed, she buys mostly ramen.

Emkay said...

OH MY... I am speechless! What talent you possess in crafting the common rhyme!

Luke said...

To the moon!

EaLeah said...

To the moon!

Kay said...

Andrea,
I am serious when I say that you are a gifted writer. This poem flowed so beautifully, and almost could have been a rap song (except you have more talent)! Your words create a picture in the reader's mind of what you see and how you feel. Rock on, girlfriend.

Aunt Kay